Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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