sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
