i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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