Tell her she can't have a vagina
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
