I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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