its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
