i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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