I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
