Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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