We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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