I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
How does one acquire holy water?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
