well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
