I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
