I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
