I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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