Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
