Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
