We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Randomize
