he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
