I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
