even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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