Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
