dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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