I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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