apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
