hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
