the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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