Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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