Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Randomize
