Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
