she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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