YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
