I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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