just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
