i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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