This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
