i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
