I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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