my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
