Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
