found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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