I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
