I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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