Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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