Banned from zoo.
Again?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
