I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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