He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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