It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize