the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
