I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
