Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
