He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
