i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
