And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
