You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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