just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
