i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
