No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
