Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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