Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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