booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
