you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
