the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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