i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
