I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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