It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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