i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
