So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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